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Bionic Commando
Joined: 09 Sep 2007
Posts: 5409
Location: Under the hood. |
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 Masterchef Bionic's Cookingschool Part 3 |
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PART 3: ADVANCED
OK, few problems on the way, but now I got new camera (it cost me 40€  and it sucks!)
Welcome back to the masterchefs kitchen, new oven also, and it is crappy.
This time we will learn new concept in cooking: TIME
Time is very important if you want to be great chef as I am.
There are two very accurate ways to measure time:
1. Shot. Yes take a small shot glass and fill it, drink it and throw it away.
2. Beer. Take a small beer, drink it and throw it away.
We will be using these two times to make excellent exotic dishes. You will see.
This time we will cook:
CHICKEN WINGS WITH BEER AND CIGARETTES.
You will need to learn two earlier lessons before this to succeed.
Preparing:
FIRST:
Kill few chickens and take the legs, I actually managed to find legs without those other parts, so it made this little bit easier.
Let me tell you something about chickens, they lay eggs and have 4 or less wings (not sure), they taste good and make good company with beer. In first lesson we made full dish, in second we made breakfast, this time we will make snacks, that you can eat with beer.
SECOND:
Get beer, the more the better, you also should get Jagermeister if you like it.
THIRD:
Get Texas Pete's Hot Chicken Wings Sauce or equivalent, and some grease.
Get to it!
Next go to your oven, yes that thing you used last time also, and put it on on 225 degrees of celsius. Let it heat up again.
Here is my new Ahma-oven made in Finland, it sucks compared to that Swedish masterpiece, bits fall off. Open some beers.
Now pour your hot sauce in a plate... like this, nothing special here, just remember to drink aswell, otherwise the beers might get warm!
Now pour the grease in the hot sauce, I like more hot sauce than grease, but not too hot, in Finnish wings bars there are usually 5 different choises: Mild, Normal, Hot, Extra Hot and XXHot. I use the same sauce as them and the same wings also, I can find these only from our wholesalers, that means I have to but many hundreds of wings and at least a gallon of that sauce, but what a hey! I still make better wings than those wings bars... so some grease...
Next start to mix those two, again take a new beer as it makes this task easier.
Once done it should start to look like this, after this put it in your fridge to make it as cold as you can, don't let it freeze, take also some beer and smoke one cigarette, it will make quite long to get this over to warm up. I know you suck compared to me, but you will learn young padawan.
Next put the paper again on the top of the plate, and some wings on top of it, it should look something like this, again DON'T PUT THE WINGS UNDER THE PAPER! Noob!
Pour some beer for yourself, and once check out the layout of the wings, don't let them fly too close to eachother, after this starts the counting, where TIME is going to be very crucial...
Start counting! Drink TWO beers and check if the light still burns in that oven...
Continue counting, open TWO more beers and drink them fast, you might also smoke a cigarette or two.
Now the light might be off, so check out for it.. and open TWO more beers.
YES, FINALLY! Now celebrate this by drinking ONE more beer and put those wings inside the oven. You are getting close!
There they are, your little babies, remember to drink some, at this point Uncle Bio usually starts to forget things, so counting the beers and drinking is very important. Open ONE beer, and drink it.
After you have finished your last beer, take the wings out and turn them all, if you swallow your last beer too slow, you failed, so start again. I had to change my brand in this point, things like that could make you lose the count so leave it to professionals. Put the wings back to the oven.
After ONE more beer, take the wings out AGAIN, this time permanently.
Take your sauce and throw some of the wings there. They should start to look ready, BUT let then be for a while and smoke. Trust me, they will get better. Now take TWO shots Jagermeister, and enjoy looking as the hot wings bubble in the ice cold sauce.
Now comes the best part, open the last beers and start eating, those wings are happy to get inside your belly from that extra hot sauce.
This will conclude the third part of masterchef Bionics cookingschool, next time we move to EXPERT level and learn to use sharp objects.
masterchef out.
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Last edited by Bionic Commando on Thu Apr 16, 2009 5:16 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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| Tue Mar 17, 2009 2:18 pm |
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( >'.')>
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 1613
Location: Where i lay my head is home |
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Oo u have a new oven!
And a washing machine next to it 
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| Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:08 pm |
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Spliffy
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Joined: 10 Feb 2006
Posts: 2106
Location: Coquelles, France |
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I like the way the beers stack up in the cooking history.
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| Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:24 pm |
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( >'.')>
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 1613
Location: Where i lay my head is home |
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Either u drink like an irishman or then it took u quite a long time to cook.
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| Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:58 pm |
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Blueberry
Site Admin
Joined: 12 Oct 2007
Posts: 1051
Location: Germany |
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lol
i was actually eating chicken wings while reading this. of course i did almost everything wrong, cause i didn't know better. next time i'll do it your way.
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| Tue Mar 17, 2009 8:00 pm |
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merlin1991
Joined: 19 Feb 2008
Posts: 178
Location: Vienna, Austria |
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again our great master chef has enlighted us with his skills
as we the crowd fear the sharp objects, we are going to get beyond our level of skill when our great masterchef takes us to expert level
blood for the bloodgod
skulls for the skullthrone
and kitchens for the biomaster
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"Fog is no water and no air it's something between it" Merlin |
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| Tue Mar 17, 2009 8:04 pm |
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d3im0s
Site Admin
Joined: 02 Mar 2006
Posts: 2431
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masterchef bio uses paper plates and plastic forks
poor little sod
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Deimos: His name means dread, and he was a fearsome son of Bull & Dirty the fearful gods of war. He always attended his gay fathers on the battlefield, along with his compadres. |
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| Wed Mar 18, 2009 2:18 pm |
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Bionic Commando
Joined: 09 Sep 2007
Posts: 5409
Location: Under the hood. |
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| Wed Mar 18, 2009 2:33 pm |
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FishFace
Joined: 06 Sep 2006
Posts: 590
Location: Northport, Manchester |
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Your oven is crap - not nearly smoked and melted enough. Go and set fire to it, NOOB
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| Wed Apr 15, 2009 3:05 pm |
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Bonzo
Joined: 31 Jan 2006
Posts: 1580
Location: Stockport UK |
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Why do all Scandinavian beers have silly names like knob and tit
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| Thu Apr 16, 2009 9:13 am |
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( >'.')>
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 1613
Location: Where i lay my head is home |
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Why do all Scandinavian beers have silly names like knob and tit |
It feels better to put a bottle of knob or tit in ur mouth than pisswasser
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| Thu Apr 16, 2009 11:35 am |
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eppe
Joined: 17 Jul 2008
Posts: 34
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Why do all Scandinavian beers have silly names like knob and tit |
It feels better to put a bottle of knob or tit in ur mouth than pisswasser |
Lol
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| Thu Apr 16, 2009 12:00 pm |
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Bionic Commando
Joined: 09 Sep 2007
Posts: 5409
Location: Under the hood. |
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| Thu Apr 16, 2009 12:50 pm |
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Bonzo
Joined: 31 Jan 2006
Posts: 1580
Location: Stockport UK |
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Ahhh pisswasser somebody has been playing gta4
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| Thu Apr 16, 2009 3:51 pm |
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( >'.')>
Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 1613
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| Thu Apr 16, 2009 5:13 pm |
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