Bionic's Pizza

INTRODUCING: THE MASTERCHEF, BIONIC!!!!

OK, I heard some alerting news. We have people in our community, who play so much, that they sometimes forget to eat!
Yes! (And yes, I don't mean Bonzo) I am very concerned about this thing, AND because I'm am actually a masterchef,
I will teach you guys how to make food. "Food?" You ask, yes that thing what you did eat, when you we're child!

There will be 5 STAGES in this cooking school:

BEGINNER
TRAINED
ADVANCED
EXPERT
EXTREME

Today, I will teach you the lowest level: BEGINNER

You better pass the lower levels, if you want to try the harder ones, 'cause otherwise you may hurt yourself, or your fellowmen (yeehaa!).

In this school, you also learn many things about boiling, frying, electricity, handling serious cutting wounds, drinking habits, baking, far-east culture, heating, mastering the ancient scissor-using, cutting, dishing and many more!!!

Remember, one mistake in cooking may cause severe injury or death!

AFTER, WHEN YOU HAVE PARTICIPATED TO THESE EXAMS, JUST VOTE, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, AND IN THE END WE WILL SEE HOW THE GoNe MEMBERS AND FRIENDS COOKING-SKILLS HAVE IMPROVED, AND THUS MASTERCHEF BIONIC HAS CONQUERED ANOTHER VICTORY IN HIS PATH, PAVED WITH OLIVE OIL AND MARJORAM!

PART 1: BEGINNER

Pizza, with extra peperonis with beer.

Ok. Becoming a masterchef like Bionic, you first must learn the basics of cooking, this is gonna be a rough day for you beginners, but I try to help you surviving through this test. It is time to learn how to use an simple oven.

OOPS! Remember to empty the oven first from all the beercans and bottles.

There are mainly 3 types of buttons in these ovens (I got more, but hey! I'm a fucking masterchef!):

Type 1: The buttons that heats the stoves (the round things in the top).

Type 2: The button that makes the oven on and off ("the heat-hatch-thing")

Type 3: The button that adjust the heat in the oven.

First: Take pizza in your hand.

Your mission:
Put the pizza in the oven. "Like this, masterchef?" You ask.

Ok padawan, you just did your first mistake!

LESSON 1: Remember to remove the pizza from it's box, BEFORE making it! Sometimes those crazy Italians in their pizza factory also puts the pizza in the plastic wrapper, and you will see how hard it is to remove after the pizza is baked, if you don't remove it before!

There is a plate like in many ovens, put a paper on it and then pizza on the paper, 'voila! The paper should be greaseproof, or then you have to grease it for yourself.

LESSON 2: This picture shows what it should look now.

Now put the pizza in the oven, with the paper, with the plate, with pizza on top and paper between the pizza and the plate. And don't ask me about those black things in the pizza, I think they are somekind of berries? Maybe blueberries? Well, even a MASTERCHEF can't know everything!

Do you know numbers? You should 'cause the next step involves some math!

Check from the pizzabox for:

1. HOW LONG the pizza must be baked (in my pizza, 10 minutes).
2. WHAT IS THE TEMPERATURE that in pizza must be baked (in my pizza 225 Celcius).

One thing I would like to remind you, privates: In my pizzabox, the time and temperature reads only in Swedish, but true masterchef reads all the languages in the world (almost... well arabic numbers are good enough)!
"Värm ugnen till 225C. Ta pizzan ur kartongen och ta bort plasten"??? WTF? It goes on and on, really, who understands a fucking anything from that? NO-ONE!

Close the hatch of your oven, turn it to ON position and set the temperature, remember to also check time, to know later, when to remove the pizza from the oven.

Remember also, that your oven takes some time to heat up, my model (in the 1972 made, Swedish "super-oven") heats very fast, so I don't wait, MASTERCHEF knows what he's doing, and he is busy!

LESSON 3: Wait that time... ... ... ...

Turn the oven to OFF position and calibrate the temperature button to 0-position. Open the hatch carefully, there are some hot air inside, that feels like shit in the babyface of yours!

Take a safety glove like this...

...and take the pizza, with the plate, with the paper, out.
Put the pizza on a surface that does not burn easily.

MASTERCHEF BIONIC usually places it on the beerboxes (the 24 packs are the best)...

..but this time I have cleaned the top of the oven, so I place it there.

Did you burn your fingers? N00b!

Here is the final product.

Enjoy with beer, yes only beer will do it, because usually these "pizzas" taste like a maleorgans (gonads maybe). Remember, BEER, lots of beer.

I also enjoyed some beers, while making the pizza, but hey, I'm still a fucking masterchef, so don't try it at home (or anywhere else), kids!

But, once more I emphasize the importance of beer:

Beer.

Usually 30 beers is good for one pizza, but if you weight more than 85kg, you should drink at least 40 beers.

NOW YOU HAVE MASTERED THE SECRETS OF THE OVEN!!!!!

Next time is the Bionic "cooking school" for TRAINED cooks, if you succeeded in this one, I'm sure you will also survive my new test, I can't tell you yet, what will be the main ingredients next time (yes, there will be many of them), and it will be more complicated AND involves of using knife, so watch out!

Also, if you can't use knife, like cD, you better wait to next time, if you want to cut your newly baked pizza to slices!

Stay tuned, punks!

THE MASTERCHEF HAS SPOKEN!

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ps: you drink tooo much beer xD

SHHHHHHHH

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	d3im0s wrote:
	my girlfriends mum has a tomtom..

	eCo wrote:
	ps: you drink tooo much beer xD

No chance!

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"I´M NOT CRAZY
My Reality Is Just Different Than Yours"

to much beer? eco are u kidding ? naaaaaab !!! Laughing

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	Bonzo wrote:
	Have to say you Germans look very well behaved if that was the Uk you would see drunk fat girls fighting

So you drink a little beer in Finland well I never Wink

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atleast have pride and admite tht ur a hause woman tht cleans ur hause Spliffy

Very Happy

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	d3im0s wrote:
	my girlfriends mum has a tomtom..

House woman? you mean wife?

Well yes, she does keep the house clean.

And....the point is.....?

I think your mum keeps your house/ bedroom clean doesn't she Twisted Evil

?

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	Spliffy wrote:
	House woman? you mean wife? Well yes, she does keep the house clean. And....the point is.....? I think your mum keeps your house/ bedroom clean doesn't she ?

yep thts true x'D

now tak a photo of u cleaning with all the stuff Very Happy

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	d3im0s wrote:
	my girlfriends mum has a tomtom..

damn i wanna make a pizza but the pictures are missing.... i will have to starve. Crying or Very sad

what about part 4 bio?

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part 4 eh?
probably this summer, when I go to grill some meat.
I have to buy good knife, knife with compass.

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http://www.cardomain.com/ride/3332770
C4 Corvette, love her till my death.

compass, you mean to help you find home after 50 beers? Laughing

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	Blueberry wrote:
	compass, you mean to help you find home after 50 beers?

50? I think youre missing a digit Very Happy

you have to buy a wife to cook for you. i heard heini is cheap to keep.

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	d3im0s wrote:
	I like arnie's dick

bio, you're experimenting on a new five star menu?

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